It happened so fast I think I am JUST now having it all sink in. The last time I posted, I had decided, but not aloud, that I was ready to have my own place. A few days after that, I mentioned it aloud. Within a week, I was filling out paperwork and getting keys. I didn’t expect it to happen so fast. But that is the thing I have noticed about this crazy journey, when it rains it pours, and then your new city floods….
I got my keys. I had a roll of toilet paper in my purse this time. The first time I rented an apartment in college, my roommate and I signed the papers and were going to run and get a few things and the store before we unloaded (I think our parents were an hour behind us with all our stuff…maybe…I don’t really remember), but first, as is typically with my tic-tac sized blatter, I wanted to make a pit stop. I walked in and realized, “Oh my gosh! I have to provide my own toilet paper now!” Silly, I know, but before this I had lived with my parents or in the dorms, so toilet paper was just always magically there. This time I was wiser. I was prepared. I brought my own roll. I borrowed an air mattress. I ran to store for a shower curtain. I got cereal, milk, and my coffee maker. I settled in for my first night.
It has been a week. I am still moving my stuff in and trying to furnish the place creatively (read: spending as little as possible). I have discovered the usefulness of Craig’s List. Up until now I only looked at it because I found the missed connections section interesting. I have obtained a few tools to help me with the things I have found on said useful site. Friends have loaned me furniture so there is a place to sit if you come to visit, but not if you and two of your friends come over, so bring a chair. It is kind of a BYO whatever at this point. Maybe one day soon I can offer you your own plate, just not today.
I think what feels so good about it is that I am really starting. I am on my own so to speak. I know I am never really on my own. I learned this lesson a million times over these past few years. I have amazing people in my life. Not just the people out west but the ones right here in town. Especially the ones who have helped me make this place home. And even though it hasn’t been a whole week and I am less than 8 miles away, I miss the No-Longer-Pregnant cousin and the My-Actual-Biological cousin and the Wee One. I will be eternally grateful to them. If they hadn’t opened their hearts and home to me, I doubt I would have loaded my car up and headed this way. They gave me a safe place to land and to start rebuilding. Rebuilding was exactly what I needed. Thank you guys.
Taking a job, getting my own place. Those feel like HUGE things for me at this point. They are major commitments for me. The kind I very much intentionally avoided for almost two years. I needed to take that time for myself. To wander wherever my spirit took me. It brought me here, and on a few other adventures along the way. I’ve learned that no matter what the paperwork says, no matter all our best intentions, it can change. It can change because you want or need it to. It can change and you have no control over it. All you do have control over is how you deal with it. So here I am, on this journey, starting out again and I couldn’t be more excited.